Tomorrow the President will be delivering three speeches: the unread, the unintelligible and the unconscious.

The unread will be the official transcript, an attempt at soaring eloquence and a litany of belabored alliteration. This historic document will be larded with quotations by Plato, Thomas Aquinas, John Stuart Mill and Frederick Douglass, all of whom will personally endorse the President’s tax policies. The official text is available in the Library of Congress and might be of interest only to Michael Beschloss and the speechwriter’s family.