Diatribune

"The constitutional prerogatives of the president make it futile and purely political for Congress to refer to a U.S. attorney a contempt citation. The legislative branch is not in a position to compel action on the part of the executive branch, other than in areas related to its legitimate oversight role."

Nowadays every school child learns the legitimate postion of the legislative branch in the call-and-response that begins the school day in every state. The teacher sings out "Where does the legislative branch belong?" and the children sing back in unison "Down on all fours!"

What a beautiful song! I love the next phrase of the catechism even more, when the teacher asks "Who was the real boss of the Democratic Party?" and the children respond "Osama bin Laden!"

As I travel from school to school across our great nation, extolling the wisdom and manliness of our President for Life, there is joy and laughter galore, but the biggest laugh is always reserved for my confession.

"I posted on Daily Kos!"

"What an asshole!" the children scream, and they scream even louder when I tell them about "Articles of Impeachment."

"They thought Congress could remove the President from office and overthrow the government of the United States!" Then the classroom literally boils over with questions.

"Didn't those cockroaches know about the unitary executive?" And inevitably one of the brighter kids, a high-ranking Enforcer in the Junior Bushies, will ask me "Why aren't you in rehab with the rest of the DK posters?"

That's exactly where I would be, in the Humane and Beneficent Rehabilitation Facility on Guantanamo Bay, if I hadn't been enlightened by the great O'Reilly only weeks before our wise and manly President for Life abolished the Judiciary Committee, expunged Daily Kos from the internet, and tracked down the posters in their abortionist stinkholes.

Even Kos himself, Osama's exalted Emissary to the Heartland, never saw it coming. "So apparently Bill O'Reilly today, in his latest feverish rant, claims that this site advocated the violent overthrow of the U.S. government today.
Whoever finds this magical post gets a pony."

I wanted that pony! So I tried to explain it to them, in the simplest possible terms. "It's impeachment, Stupid!" Read the signing statements! ''The executive branch shall construe [the law] in a manner consistent with the constitutional authority of the President . . . as Commander in Chief." Did they think it was consistent with the constitutional authority of the President to have his constitutional authority abolished by impeachment?

But they wouldn't listen, and the cockroaches actually banned me from their obscene, treasonous, ungodly, and anti-American website.

It was the luckiest day of my life!